It seems like being a smoker is not en vogue in our country, anyway. We seem to be so close to totally outlawing smoking, except for the fact that major tobacco producers contribute mega funds to myriad politicians.

The list of senators and congressmen who received contributions from RJ Reynolds alone is staggering. So, smoking may be taxed and ordinances will be decreed. However, the final push to annihilate the habit will never happen – just too much moolah to keep those people running the country re-elected. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses – your lungs.

Smoking is a very sensitive subject for me. I lived with my mother as she was dying from emphysema. After they kicked her out of her assisted living facility for sneaking cigarettes while being on an oxygen machine, I told her she could live with my family and me because I loved her so much. I also ended up living in fear of her blowing my house up since dementia was setting in, too. Not a fun time. I really loved mom, but I also wanted a chance to become a grandmother myself, and to see my children live past puberty. Now, my mother-in-law is succumbing to lung disease. There is no other disease that is so controllable that exists currently.

When you smoke, and choose to continue smoking, you are telling those who love you and who invest much emotion and energy in you that you don't give a rip about your health and your life. And if you don't know, you must learn that they are going to have to pick up the pieces of your withering life. And you wonder why your relationship is strained with your children or nonsmoking spouse?

Someone has to speak out compassionately to the relatives of the smoker. It is so hard to love someone who chooses to destroy their health while acting as if everything in life is normal. I have never read anything that advocates for the loving relative of a smoker. As with most things such as this that are unpleasant, the reality is swept under the rug.

We don't like coming to your homes because they smell – but we usually tap dance around this. The smell reminds us of how much you don't care about living, but we try to love you anyway. When we have to stop on the road for you to get out and have a smoke on trips, it reminds us that you don't care how long you live but we still need to love you and pretend that you aren't killing yourself. When we all participate in the facade that nothing is wrong, a lot of dysfunction happens. Lies happen.

We make excuses to not be with you, we make excuses not to come to the hospital all the many times that you will require hospitalization because of your choice not to live long and healthy. We would rather lie than tell you how it really is for us because we love you and don't want to hurt you. We would rather lie to our own families and to get into fights than to admit the truth about what your choice has brought to our lives.

I know smoking is highly addictive. But we all have our crosses to bear. I would say that most of us have had to change something that required monumental effort, at some point, in order to make our lives work better. When people choose to continue smoking, whether or not it is admitted, it sends a very loud and clear message that living a full life is just not a priority for you, yet you expect us to give you sympathy and to be with you every time you get sick from this. Please, smokers know that we want to love you, but when you start with the imminent hospital visits and the endless hacking, we withdraw from your essence as well. You were the first ones to withdraw from life, so you have to really be understanding that we will do the same on a knowing level or subconscious level. And we feel guilty, but how can we be there for you when you aren't there for yourself?

This is a big problem for those of us who love smokers. It needs to be addressed and needs to be taken seriously. Please stop, and if not, please don't make us feel bad for withdrawing. You chose first to withdraw.